Sorry To Love You
by RaindropOnMars
Summary: Spoilers for The Last Hope. First person Cinderheart perspective. Re-write of my first JayCinder story with the same name.


**So, I deleted the first version of 'Sorry to Love You', because now that The Last Hope has been released, I think I'd like it to take place after that. And, in all honesty, I think my writing's developed a lot for the better. It's no longer a full story with chapters, just a little monologue from Cinderheart's POV. So, erm... Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Sorry to Love You

The Clan was devastated, but hopeful, as they knew the worst had passed. The Dark Forest had gone, and we would be left to rebuild our camp in peace, as would the other Clans. I'm sure all of my Clanmates felt the same ache in that was in my heart for the losses of Ferncloud, Mousefur, Hollyleaf, and, of course, our noble leader Firestar.

Squirrelflight, our new deputy, was calling orders to the Clan for rebuilding. I had already helped quite a bit today, so I had been ordered to go out and rest. But instead of curling up in my nest, I slipped out through the thorn tunnel for a walk in the forest. It was unguarded, as we knew we had no threat from any other Clan.

Blood splattered the forest floor, bringing memories back to the surface. So many cats, gone. I passed the spot where Cinderpelt's presence had finally been set free, as we had been living as one for so long. I stopped as a tingle ran down my spine.

"Hollyleaf," I whispered, wondering if my best friend would hear me. "I miss you so much."

The breeze carried a soft mew to my ears, but I couldn't make them out. I stifled a sob and began talking to the air once again.

"I know that it isn't my fault... but I'm so sorry you're gone. I lost you once, and then you came back..."

The voice tingled my ears once more, and I could very faintly make out the words. But instead of only hearing my friend's voice, another followed it.

"I will always be with you..."

"You chose the right path in the wrong way."

The right path... but in the wrong way? Terror filled my veins, and I dashed back to the stone hollow.

* * *

"Cinderheart!"

I heard my mate's voice calling me softly as I woke up. Lionblaze was gazing at me with a purr in his throat. "You must have been very tired."

I stretched in my nest before standing up. I _had _been very tired, but I hadn't told Lionblaze what the cause of it was. My dreams had been plagued by Hollyleaf and the mysterious cat who had followed her. I recognized the voice from somewhere, but I just couldn't place it.

The golden tom gave me a strange look, and I noticed my fur was standing on end.

"Perhaps you should go see Jayfeather. I'm going to help rebuild the nursery a bit more."

I opened my mouth to object, but closed it again when I noticed he was padding away. Maybe seeing the medicine cat could help me, considering he saw StarClan all the time.

I noticed the waning moon was very bright, and that it must be past moonhigh. Most of the Clan was still working on the camp, though, as most of them had fallen asleep in the afternoon, like me. I padded silently into Jayfeather's den, praying he wouldn't be asleep.

The first thing I noticed was Briarlight's ragged breathing. She didn't sound well. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jayfeather sorting his herbs, and muttering their names and usages.

He must have sensed my presence, as he slowly turned around. His bright, blue eyes seemed to glow in the darkness.

"Cinderheart," he greeted me. "What can I do for you?"

I hesitated before I told him about what had happened the previous day, my dreams, and my confusion. His ears perked up just a little bit as I came to the part about Holly leaf and the unknown cat. Finally, he sat down as I concluded my story.

He took a moment to ponder over what I had told him. "The right path..." he murmured. He looked deep in thought, and all at once I could feel him probing my memory.

All at once I felt my world spinning. I was falling out of the Sky Oak. With a thud, I landed in the medicine cats' den, with Leafpool working hard to heal my leg. I remember myself glancing at Jaypaw, and the world changes to water. I was in the lake, with Jaypaw teaching me how to swim. We suddenly separated, and I was watching the medicine cat from the other side of the clearing, as he boasted his new name, took over as full medicine cat, and saved the Clans.

"No!" I begged him, trying to block out the memories. "Jayfeather, please! Please, stop!"

The memories faded, and we were back in the medicine den once more, surrounded by complete silence interrupted my Briarlight's breathing.

"Has it occurred to you the second cat might have been Cinderpelt?" he asked me quietly. "You're more like her than you think."

A presence surrounded me, and I could feel a pelt brushing against mine. "I, too, fell in love with a cat I couldn't have."

She faded, and I stood rigid. She knew. Jayfeather knew.

"Oh, StarClan..." I whispered. "Jayfeather, I'm so sorry."

The medicine cat closed his eyes. "If I had been born with sight, Cinderheart... I would be a warrior. I would have been your mate." He sighed.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated almost inaudibly. "I love you, Jayfeather."

He waited a moment to reply. "Make Lionblaze happy, Cinderheart. I'll be with you in StarClan."

I left the den quietly and stared up at the stars. Hollyleaf was up there, somewhere. Did she know?

With a final glance back at Jayfeather's den, I gave a gave a quiet heave.

And then I walked away to find Lionblaze.


End file.
